For years I have experienced the strange sensations that can be loosely described as dissociation.
Do you see me? Am I real? I can see, But I cannot feel.
Life happens around me, But it feels like a dream. Why can’t I connect? I just want to SCREAM!
My surroundings are blurry, Unrestrained by my skin. I’m not sure where I end, And the air begins.
You say I look blank, Well, you would be right. I really can’t shake this, Try as I might.
Masking my vision, A fog, a veil. As much as it scares me, I’m DESPERATE to feel real.
Sometimes it lifts, Only when I feel safe, In the Present moment, I don’t feel out of place.
Getting out of my head helps, And into my body. To be still and grounded, Just to be in my physicality.
I wish you could feel this, Try to understand what I see. I’ve been hiding it forever, You didn’t notice this about me.
I’m sure there are others, Who live in this realm. When trauma comes knocking, We withdraw from the helm.
You don’t know their suffering, The reasons they hold back. But I know they would appreciate, If you cut them some slack.
Nichola Hayler 2020
(Image by Uzhursky)